Adoption Option: Inquiring Minds Want to Know

On Thursday we spoke to two classes at Cooper High School regarding the Adoption Option. The students had great questions for our speakers; there were four birth moms and one adoptive mom who shared their stories. We usually get two questions from the students after we speak:

The first is, "Once you make an adoption plan, can you ever get your baby back if you regret your decision?"

Our answer: "No, we can't get our babies back because adoption is a legal severing of the parental rights of the biological parents from the child. Our hearts are always going to be connected to our children but we would be harming the child if, after a few years, we decided we wanted the child back and tried to remove him or her from the only family they had ever known. That WOULD be selfish! What many of us regret is the choices we made that got us pregnant before we were prepared for the responsibility of raising a child."

The second question is, "Don't you think you were selfish for making an adoption plan?"

To this question we respond: "Adoption is an unselfish act by loving birthparents who sacrificially put the needs of the child above their own desire to 'keep' the baby. As a birth parent, the 'easy' thing to do emotionally is to take the baby home with you; the hard thing to do is to walk out of the hospital without your baby, knowing that someone else will be enjoying your child. No birthparent leaves the hospital without tears, but because we love our babies and want what is best for them, we choose to take the emotional and often societal 'beating' that comes with it. All parenting choices require sacrifice whether you are actively parenting or whether you choose to have someone else parent your child through adoption. The only 'selfish' choice would be to parent the child and not put your life in order so the child has the best future possible. Babies are not possessions to be owned; they are responsibilities to be cared for in the best way possible. As one of our speakers says, "I did not give my baby away; I gave her more."

When possible, I point out that Christ died on the cross, sacrificially, so that we could be 'adopted' by God. When Christ willingly went to the cross, He experienced great pain on our behalf and for our good. While birth parents are not saviors, the pain we experience is both chosen and experienced for the good of our children.

There is more to be said, but those are the short answers!