Remembering Jelani Brinson

On April 17 Jelani Brinson went missing; on April 25 his body was discovered in a pond at a golf course. As of yet, the cause of death is not known. Jelani was a client of Metro Women's Center, but he was also a friend of my son, Lewis. They graduated from Fourth Baptist Christian School together and played soccer together. Jelani and his girlfriend, Dena, have a 9 month old daughter, Zion, and were working on their relationship and raising their daughter together, yet living apart.

Arrangements: A wake will be held from 6 to 8 p.m. Thursday at St. Peter Claver Church, 375 Oxford St. N., in St. Paul, followed by a funeral at noon Friday.

I have been thinking a lot about Jelani this week, as I am sure many people have. I was thinking about his quick smile and his inquisitive mind as he tried to "dig" deep to figure out this whole "God" thing. He was not content with a simple answer to a question about spiritual things. He made me think about "why" I believe what I believe.

I remember he and Dena coming to my office one day after Zion's birth. Both Dena and Jelani had big smiles of pride as they watched their daughter. They did let me hold Zion, but it was not long before Jelani said, "Ok, give her back." In this ministry it is refreshing to find young men who delight in their children. So many of my clients go through their pregnancies without any support from the father of the child. While the relationship was not perfect, both Dena and Jelani were trying to figure out what the next part of their lives would look like as they raised Zion.

I have been struggling to understand the removal from the life of someone who clearly was seeking to do right by his child and to understand what the purpose of his life should be. Maybe there is no answer for this, other than the fact that God allows what He allows for His purposes.

from To Glorify God by Dr. Nell Collins:

When we don't understand the "why" we can remember that:
His way is perfect: Psalm 18:30a, Romans 4:20, Luke 10:21b.
We can trust Him: Proverbs 3:5-6.
He has full authority in our lives: 1 Cor. 6:19-20.
Peace and quietness will come as we depend upon Him: Isaiah 26:3-4.

Here are my random thoughts as to what might come out of this situation:
Maybe Jelani's death will cause others to stop what they are doing that is displeasing to the Lord and turn to Him in repentance.
Maybe there are family members who need to understand God in a more personal way who will be changed by his death.
Maybe there are strangers who will be touched by this story who will make changes in their broken human relationships and renew or begin a relationship with God.
Maybe there will be fathers, young and old, who are not connected with their children, who will take another look at what is important and reconnect with them.
Maybe his death will cause us all to slow down and help each other.

Someone said once, "Grief can not be DRY-CLEANED away; it must be WASHED away with tears." We are grieving; God knows and cares.

I was thinking that everything that happens to us either conforms us or deforms us. We each have to decide which it will be. The Word says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that, good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

I pray that Jelani's death will have an impact, I know it has caused me to ponder many things. God uses everything in our lives to accomplish His purposes (Romans 8:28-29); He gives, withholds, or removes things for His purposes.

Here are some more thoughts from To Glorify God by Dr. Nell Collins regarding a Biblical approach to loss and grief:

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 says:
"For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words."

What this means to us:
GOD assures us what will happen in the future.
We sorrow, but not without hope.
View the unseen rather than the seen.
Focus on the eternal instead of the temporal.
We should have a secure eye on the resurrection.
God's has a plan for those who have been redeemed.

This is an interesting, thought-provoking piece by my friend Jim:

THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen 6 feet by 8 feet that is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason: a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route, and the solution to any problem! Just look up.

Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, but Faith looks up!